Desires and trepidations
by dianewriter
Summary: Victoire is pushing away from Teddy after an experience, but will she ever give him the chance to explain?
1. Chapter 1

I catch sight of him in the corridor and my heart thumps painfully, I duck down my head and try to sneak past but I feel his hand on my shoulder, I glance quickly into his eyes and I see his agonizing stare. I look down and manage to utter

"I've got to go, sorry"

"Victoire, we need to talk"

I brush his hand off my shoulder, I don't need teddy's pity, I scramble away and find the girls bathroom before letting the tears fall down my face, God, why am I so stupid? Before I can stop myself I think back to the end of the Christmas holidays when I kissed him…

_We're sitting in the kitchen, it's late and we're sharing a mug of hot chocolate. I know I'd liked him for ages, the whole holiday I could feel my feelings growing stronger for him. We're laughing at something stupid and I'm looking into his eyes and I lean forward and gently kiss him on the lips. The chair bangs on the floor as he jumps away._

"_Victoire, what was that about?"_

_I blush furiously, cursing myself._

"_I'm so sorry..I..Oh God, just forget it"_

_I run upstairs and lay on my bed sobbing. I've ruined a friendship. I ignore him, he kept trying to talk to me but I brush him off, hoping he'd forget about it. _

I take a deep breath and bathe my eyes and hurry away towards Charms.

I take care to avoid him the rest of the day and instead immerse myself in my friends, and their problems. I don't tell anyone about what happened that night. It's too embarrassing, every time I think of it my face grows hot and my heart thumps painfully, but I can't help feeling that there was a moment, albeit how short, that he kissed me back.


	2. Chapter 2

I'm sitting in the library, struggling through a particularly foul essay for potions. I'm absorbed in a book 'How to decipher antidotes from poisons' when I feel a sharp tap on my head, stupidly, I look up but feel someone slip beside me. Oh my God it's teddy. I try to keep down the blush rising in my cheeks, I manage to utter out

"Hi"

"Vic, why are you ignoring me?"

I try to look defiant and was about to proclaim a resounding 'no' but as I look into his eyes I see he's honestly upset

"I'm sorry; I'm just trying to forget about…what happened"

I open the book, excruciatingly aware of his thigh brushing mine, he's so close to me, I'm sure he can feel my heart thumping away madly because it's deafening to me.

"Victoire, I'm so sorry, I love you and all but just not in that way, but please can we go back to friends? I do miss you"

Surprisingly I find myself looking straight into his eyes, as much as I love him; I know our friendship is too important to lose.

"I'm sorry Teddy too, friends?"

I hold out my hand to shake and he takes it, we laugh and I make to pull away but he holds onto my hand, he swallows and I'm confused, then he's looking at me and really gazing into my eyes and I don't know what to do or think, my minds a blur and then

"Library's closing. Both of you. Out now."

He jumps and the moments lost, I quickly gather up my books and shove them in my bag. Together, we make our way back to the common room. It's noisy in there, I can see James entertaining a couple of his friends, I can't deal with it all, I say goodnight to Teddy and make my way upstairs, I can feel him staring at me and I turn around, hoping to catch his gaze but he's over by James. I frown slightly and go up to my dormitory. Here I can relax. In a daze I undress and slip into bed, I can't stop thinking about that moment but I know it's ridiculous. Hot tears spill onto the pillow as I remember what he said. He doesn't like me, I need to stop imagining he does otherwise it's going to drive me insane. I sigh and try to get to sleep my thoughts are whirring around my head.

I must have finally fallen asleep because I wake later, it's still dark outside, I can just hear the regular breathing of the girls in the room, I sit up and gasp. I can smell Teddy. At first I dismiss it but the dormitory door is slightly ajar and Rita is very finicky with having the door closed, the bed beside me is warm. My breath quickens but then I realize I'm being stupid, he wouldn't come to see me. I laugh sadly at the chance of anything like that ever happening and lie down and drift of slowly into a shallow sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

"Weasley, come here"

I look up and see Richard beckoning me over, with a sinking feeling I trudge over to him and look at him questionably

"Yes, Richard"

He takes my arm and hurries me round a corner and pushes me gently against a wall, he's uncomfortably close to me and I try not to squirm away and to at least try to hear him out,

"What do you want?"

He leans down and whispers in my ear, I can feel his breath tickling my ear and side of my cheek, I recoil slightly,

"You"

I grit my teeth, and look up at him, it's not as if he's visibly nauseating to be with, he's handsome, and I had heard a lot of girls say it, it's just a feeling I have, that he's not to be trusted and that he always seems to want to take advantage of me.

"Well, unfortunately, you can't have me, not please let me go"

His arm is round my waist, trapping me; he grins and pulls me closer while I desperately try to struggle away. My rescue comes round the corner, Sylvie and Daisy. They gasp as they take in what's happening then in a flash he's dragged away from me and howling in pain and clutching his forehead.

"You may want to go to the hospital wing for that" snarls Sylvie, wand still drawn. He mutters vehemently and stamps off, looking vicious.

I take a deep breath and smile gratefully at my two best friends.

"Thanks for saving me back there"

"No problem, though you have to stop getting into those situations" Sylvie's voice is severe and I try to defend myself

"I didn't think he'd try anything, not when it's busy"

"Just don't go near him ok?" says Daisy in a slightly softer tone.

We walk into the great hall for breakfast and sit at our table. I help myself to toast and tam and raise it to my mouth when I freeze. My heart misses a beat and my mouth goes dry. Ted has just walked into the great hall. Holding hands. The girl looks smug as she catches sight of a few stares and makes the most of the attention by suddenly turning to him and planting a kiss on his cheek. I feel tears forming in my eyes and I hurriedly swallow. My stomach drops and I feel sick, I mumble something incoherent and I glance at my friends, Daisy has noticed them and is staring at them in shock and then in a dreadful look of pity at me. I stumble slightly and hurry down the aisle, I have to pass them as I go and I can't help but look, Ted's eyes are fixed on the other side of the hall but she's smirking right down at me, she winks at me and smiles scornfully. A hot feeling of embarrassment flushes over me and I know inexplicably that they have been discussing me together. Probably laughing over how stupid I am. I'm helpless against the tears now and they roll down my cheeks as I make my way out of the hall and fling myself into a small broom cupboard. I lock the door and sit down and sob. I feel small, worthless. He _knows_ how I feel about him, how dare he?

Suddenly anger surges through me, I am not the daughter of a half veela for nothing and we are stronger than we look. I get to my feet and dust off my robes and unlock the door. I stride out and collect my bag from the hall. I can see Daisy's and Sylvie's face peer worriedly at me but I smile back at them. They look startled but happy.

"Come on, we've got to get to potions"

In potions (which was a theory lesson) I think hard. I know what I have to do, I simply have to get over Teddy Lupin and find someone else to distract me.

Easier said then done.


	4. Chapter 4

Reviews are appreciated.

There are many good things about Hogwarts and the number of distractions from a certain Teddy Lupin is one of them. So far I've lined up five possible candidates for a possible relationship and I am trying to squash the nagging fact that I'm only doing it to somehow make Teddy jealous. That's all I want, him to know what he's missing. I know it's impossible and it hurts. A lot. I've managed to avoid him in the last week but I know it's only a matter of time before I have to speak to him and pretend everything's fine. So far, all I've accomplished is some doting admirers and the ability to abstain myself from bursting into tears every time I see Teddy and 'the girl' together. (The girls name is actually Cynthia but I don't think she is deserving of a name, the little bitch). Coincidently she's in Slytherin.

I am sat of my bed, contemplating the five when Sylvie and Daisy barge noisily into my room, dragging me out of my reverie.

"Come on Vic! Coming down to dinner or what? Please do something to your hair though, it's a mess"

I grumble something about not caring but run a brush through my hair and follow them downstairs. I listen to them discuss 'how much we should be revising for exams if our N.E. are next year'. I just find myself thinking that it might be easier next year to get over Teddy when he won't be here, the thought made me strangely cheerful and so by the time we reach the great hall I'm happily abusing future careers.

We sit down and start helping ourselves to food, I look up and catch Cynthia smirking at me from across the hall and fury boils up in my stomach but I contented myself from turning myself contemptuously away from her.

"So, it's nearly the ball!" says Hannah from across the table

"No it isn't" I reply frowning, "It's not till after exams and that's after Easter, which is three weeks away?"

Hannah stares at me, looking confused

"But, you have to your dress and everything! Martin's already asked me to go!"

"Oh yes, there's all that bother about partners as well" I sigh, a sinking feeling in my stomach as I think about who I would give everything to go with but then I feel a tap on my shoulder and I turn around to see Francis Alderton smiling down at me. Francis Alderton, by the way, happens to be quite a dashing seventh year so I did get a small swooping sensation as he sat down next to me. I saw Daisy and Sylvie raise their eyebrows appreciatively at me as they took him in.

"Victoire, I was just wondering if you would to come to the next Hogsmeade weekend with me. It's this weekend?"

I grinned back at him, I couldn't help it, and he was so charming

"Of course Francis, I would love to"

He gave me a squeeze then got up and walked away, leaving my two friends open mouthed

"You are so lucky Vic!" said Daisy

"Victoire"

I turn around again, half expecting Francis back again but it's not. It's Teddy. A small flush rises in my cheeks but I manage to answer coolly

"Teddy?"

"What are you doing this weekend?"

I frown, confused, what's going on?

"Well its hogsmeade isn't it? I'll go there"

"Come with me?"

I'm totally taken aback, I've dreamed of this moment for ages, I'm about to blurt out yes but then I remember

"Oh, I'm going with Francis, he's…he's just asked me" as I say this my face falls but his doesn't"

"You don't have to be with him the whole time though, meet me at three? I have to get George's present and I need a Weasley to help me"

"Oh, of course, yes I'll meet you, three broomsticks?"

"See you there Vic"

He gives me a broad smile and hurries away, I can hardly believe it.

"Way to go Vic!"

I smile at Sylvie, eat a bit then rush upstairs to think in peace. I really do love thinking.


End file.
